Unbirthday

Today was a bit rough for our girl.

One of her close friends messaged her and said; “I sent an invite for my birthday with Max, can you be sure your Mum sees it?” So, of course, she got excited and ran down to check.

Sure enough, Max brought home an invite but it was only addressed to him.

Sophia asked her friend if it was meant to be for both of them, and she replied, “No, just Max.”

Needless to say, she was devastated and burst into tears and was sobbing with her little paws up over her face.

I had to move her away from her computer and explain to the girl that it was not nice to have Sophia look for the invite when she was not invited and that she could have just messaged me or Max.

She did not think about how Sophia would feel, she felt sorry and apologised, but the blow had been dealt.

She was so distraught over not being invited it took me a really long time to calm her down and then came the anger, “I am so stupid, I am too emotional!” I explained, she was not, that emotions are healthy, and we need to be able to express them. We just don’t lash out at people or try and make them feel bad too if they hurt us by accident.

I explained that the girl likely didn’t think she would come or want an invite because sometimes people don’t understand that people with Asperger’s do like being invited and going to parties. (even if it is with Mom & Dad in tow.)

Max felt so bad for his little sis and he felt a bit upset that it was only for him, he did not understand either.

You see, before yesterday this was her friend, but last night she decided she wanted to be Max’s girlfriend, and told Max she wants to be a couple.

Max asked Sophia how she felt and of course, she said that is fine Max, as long as we can still be friends -not knowing how these things work. 😉

So now she feels like the girl used her to get to her brother, and is upset that she has been replaced by Max. (Many girls with siblings know this feeling well.)

I am sure this is also due to not really being invited to Birthday parties. She was invited to two this year, one we all went to; we had a great time, it was her nephew’s 2nd birthday party and she had so much fun.

The second was a friend of mine’s boy, he is a bit younger and they don’t really talk, so she didn’t go although she was so happy just to receive the invitation. She fully planned on going but decided she couldn’t do it on the day.

Our boys don’t like parties for themselves, but we do a Gluten Free cake and celebrate each of ours at home or go out to dinner with family.

Many of our family and friends don’t think of her as a child who loves birthday parties. Most of the other kids have grown now and don’t have family parties anymore, which was the few time they actually see her.

No one does family birthdays that we are invited to, because all of my family is back home and it is heartbreaking to see her so sad about this.

The girl later contacted Sophia and said her Mum said it was too late to invite anyone else and apologised again for hurting her.

This set her into another meltdown as the invite just came, and the party is a week away. She was saying she thinks she just never liked her and only pretended to and she was not a real friend because a real friend would want her there too.

I told her sometimes parents don’t allow more than a few friends over and since the girl wanted it to be ‘couples’ she chose Max. I also made a funny face and told her she is not allowed to date yet. This made her laugh through her tears and she said she could take her stuffed cat as a date. I had also found out it is only four people; Max, her and their other ‘couple’ friends.

She could not understand, because we always make last minute additions to her party so she knows they could if they wanted to.

Her big bro Dev heard all about it and just said, “That’s cool, we can just take Soph to McDonald’s or something else, have our own party.”

Her eyes lit up and she said, “It wouldn’t be the same as a party, but it would be nice.”

Finally, Daddy came home and asked how everyone was and he was filled in on the whole thing and he said the same, “Well, it sounds like we need to have our own party then!”

So we have decided Max can go and we will take Dev and Soph to do something fun while he is gone. I will even make an unbirthday cake.

They all gave her support, listened to her, and showed her she can feel whatever she wants and share her feelings and we, as a family will figure it out.

Max also learned that he can still have fun and not cancel just because Sophia was hurt, even though he offered to.

Devin told Max, don’t let girls come before your sister. Make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Brent and I are very proud of them all.

 

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